Let’s talk about the 5 signs of an emotional affair.
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“I am 38 years old. I recently realized my 34 years old wife has had an emotional affair for the last four years.
The past two weeks have been hell for me. We've been married for 9 years and have two beautiful kids.
I caught my wife last week chatting with someone and when I confronted her she said it was just a casual talk with a friend for stress relief and that it started a few months ago.
As I dug up more evidence she has gradually admitted that the affair started four years ago and now has finally admitted that he was her ex lover in college.
She has apologized and said that she will end for good and that she is ashamed of having continued it for so long.
But I find myself obsessively rewinding all the things I did over the last four years.
She had the affair through almost half of our married life, through the birth of our second child and even when I was hospitalized.
I can’t seem to move on and have a gnawing feeling of doubt mixed with anger, jealousy and sadness.”
First of all, I am very sorry for the emotional pain this has probably caused you and your family. This is not going to be easy.
An emotional affair involves emotional intimacy with a person other than a partner that you are committed to even when it doesn’t involve physical intimacy. It can hurt just as much if not more.
As usual, we want to share the top 5 signs that you or your marriage may be suffering from an emotional affair. And then we will add 5 tips for recovery for you.
Let’s get into it.
So this sign is like two-in-one because sometimes the transgressor is also wondering if their behavior is inappropriate or dangerous.
If you find yourself fantasizing over and over about another person in a romantic way, this may be a sign of an emotional affair or a brewing one at least.
On the flip side, if you notice that your partner seems absent in the relationship, there is usually no vacuum of energy. There is a reason.
Your partner is probably intimate with another person at least emotionally. After all, we are talking about something that’s all in the mind.
But then everything in life starts from the mind.
Recovery tip number five is that it’s not your fault.
But then I am guessing we are talking about a person you love and want to nurture a better relationship with.
So “this”... not being your fault doesn’t mean you can’t assume responsibility in rekindling your relationship with a better foundation.
Naturally when a partner is involved in inappropriate behavior, they might start doing things in secret.
The concept of a secret lover is not a joke. But it doesn’t necessarily start like that. It starts long before that.
We are talking about signs right? The symptoms! That’s why you want to make sure you watch the next video on the stages of emotional affairs.
At this stage however, it’s probably becoming obvious that your partner is actively hiding something over a period of time.
If they were planning a surprise party for you, this suspicious feeling you have… probably won’t last longer than a couple of weeks.
Recovery tip number four if it’s no longer a secret is that you should take some time and space away from the relationship.
There is no good decision that can be made when you are hurting emotionally.
If you are on the receiving side of this bad behavior, you are probably starting to hear your spouse compare you to random others.
You’ve been noticing that nothing you do is good enough. But also, there is an unfair comparison with your partner’s friends, siblings or randoms.
As a transgressor, you should simply know that the grass is probably greener on the other side because someone is watering it or it’s flat-out synthetic.
Our recovery tip number three is that you should engage wise counsel. Better yet if you can afford it, engage a therapist.
Don’t attempt to get out of this funk with common sense tactics, advice or by your own self. It’s much more complicated than right and wrong.
Ideally, your partner should be spending their gist and relaxation time with you because we are all busy with life right?
You can’t wait to come back to a partner you are in love with.
So when a partner seems like they’d rather spend hours on the phone with some other BFF who acts as their emotional tampon, it might be a sign of concern.
Likewise if you’ve noticed that you enjoy time with some old friend, especially an ex, that’s the danger zone and the end is probably not going to be good.
Recovery tip number two - If you catch your partner already, like the story I shared earlier, determine if they still want the marriage.
It’s not the determining factor if you should leave the marriage or not but it’s a condition because you can’t afford to negotiate “desire” in a romantic relationship.
So none of these signs are valid unless it’s consistent over a period of time. There is no one event that can dictate the fate of your relationship.
You must have noticed emotional absence, secrecy tendencies, unfair comparisons, inappropriate engagements with friends… all of these signs over a period of time.
As for recovery tip number one, do you still want the marriage? Rember that you can’t want the marriage more than your partner in this type of situation.
This is the first of a two-part sequel.
So make sure you are subscribed with all notifications turned on in order to get notified when part 2 “The Stages of Emotional Affairs” is released.
We share our own story inside the book "GET MY MARRIAGE BACK" which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
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