Welcome back to LOLAandOLA.com. As usual, we’ve received your messages either in the comment area or to questions@LOLAandOLA.com
And we are happy to continue to share tips from our 18+ years experience in this game of marriage and relationships.
Today, we are responding to 3 different comments and messages. And the first one says…
“Going through this right now. We still do things at home together, stop going out due to the separation…”
And here is the second one…
“I have all the 5 signs that show a wife's disrespect to her husband. Now I'm wondering how to deal with those wives with these signs.”
This was actually a comment response to a video we did a while back that has 20,000+ views on it.
Just search “5 Signs Your Wife DOESN’T RESPECT YOU LOLA and OLA” on Youtube after watching this. It comes right up.
Here is a quick recap of the 5 signs of a disrespectful wife that was mentioned in that video:
1 - She utters rude remarks
2 - She gives you the silent treatment
3 - She doesn't sought after your advice and opinion
4 - She seems to honor other people's advices and opinions more
5 - She doesn't defend you when necessary
And then there was this comment…
“My wife started to disrespect me in secret back in 2022. She started lying and twerking on TikTok, commenting on guys' pictures and videos etc.
I just found this out this year after a big argument and I made one just to check and I couldn't believe that I was watching my wife.
So I made her delete TikTok and I got on her Facebook and almost the same stuff. But when I asked her to delete it, she blocked me and told me I need to act my age.
And that people onTikTok don't mean anything.
I said of course they do if you post this kinda’ content, then liking their comments when honestly they are calling you a 304 and me a fool.”
As usual, we have consolidated the answer into 5 tips to help you deal with a disrespectful wife even in the middle of a separation.
Let’s get into it.
This is probably not the time to start buying flowers and begging her to work on the relationship. I want you to focus on being comfortable with each other even if it doesn’t involve romance.
The fear that will probably creep through you is this. “What if she actually moves on?”
The question is moving on to what? After all, you need a confidence that showcases that you are the best option for her anyway.
Just trust the process and let go of everything you believed about marriage except friendship for now.
The strength of the friendship you build in this period has no choice but to spread to everything else way better than obsession and attachments could.
It’s always good to wait for the decision maker of the present status to decide to change that decision. It’s even better when you emotionally attract them to do so.
People can argue this with me… but when women go on social media to twerk, it’s a sign of insecurity and low self esteem.
She is most likely crazing unhealthy attention and it’s to do so when she doesn’t value what she has at home.
The point is that there are deeper issues at play and what you are seeing as signs are ordinary symptoms.
Guess what happens when you treat symptoms. It will give you a fake sense of relief but it’s coming back.
And when it comes back, the symptoms are going to be worse because the disease never left. It might even be cancerous and spread to other areas that weren't previously infected.
So don’t focus too much on the symptoms or signs. A root cause analysis is needed.
Let me guess. I know what you are thinking.
You are thinking that married couples, space and distance don’t go together. But that’s actually not how attraction works.
One of the signs of low levels of attraction is disrespect and in Nigeria slangs we can also call that “see finish”.
When a relationship is no longer exciting for whatever reasons, it’s easy to find laying around convenient reasons to be disrespectful.
Put it like this. A woman who is in love with you will find it hard to be disrespectful even if there are good excuses… I’m not sure if there is a good excuse.
Distance makes the heart fonder. It may be as simple as taking each other for granted for being around too much.
You need space. If you are not careful, she will be asking you for space very soon.
When you say what you have to say to address a disrespect, make sure you mean it.
A sign that you don’t really mean it or believe it is when you have to repeat yourself.
If a disrespectful wife is not responding to your request after saying it more than 2 times, there is a chance that form of communication is not working.
There is also a chance that there are deeper issues that you will likely not find out because you are busy talking too much.
Your rare ability to let it go after saying what you have to say no more than 2 times demonstrates self confidence, self worth, self respect and more.
Speaking of self respect…
As we were preparing for this episode, a further elaboration came through the comment section to one of the earlier comments.
And I quote…
“I know she has narcissistic tendencies cause we'll be fine now… as long as I don't bring it up… if I do… she say things like may we should be apart if I don't trust her or threaten not to talk to me if I bring it up
She ignores me basically. We lost our apartment and when she left, she took the kids and my car. I just moved back to South Carolina and started working there.
But we haven't had sex in a month. She said she is not in the mood because of the situation we are in.
We will be fine for a week or two, then she'll go run behind people who only wanna talk to her because she's driving around in a 2021 Charger and kinda’ ignore me.
Then my trust issues come into play and she starts threatening to leave me again or she'll say something to damage my ego more than it already is.
I got her to take down the other Facebook page and the one she had pictures of me on but she still blocked me because I’d be starting with people on her page because someone liked or commented on her picture or post.
I'm feeling better now though. I want my wife back… the girl I married 4 years ago and got 4 kids with and been with for 12 years.”
You see. There is so much going on in that comment that points towards lack of self-respect. There are just some things that you will never have time for when you have adequate self-respect.
At least, you will be willing to let a disrespectful wife go until she figures out where her priorities lie if she is confused about that.
But I get it. It’s easier said than done.
Nonetheless, you have to understand that your wife is only capable of mimicking and matching the level of respect you have for yourself.
We are speaking from experience.
We share our own story inside the book "GET MY MARRIAGE BACK" which you can download for free at www.GetMyMarriageBack.com
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