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In this lesson, I am sharing a 9-point marriage separation advice in order to give you the best chance to attract your spouse back in love with you.
At the bottom of this page, you will find the question that inspired this lesson.
(1) Give Yourself Space
It’s most likely that your spouse has asked you for space to be here.
So if that’s the case, it’s very important that you don’t see it as a bad idea because frankly you probably need the space more.
You just can’t see that because rejection breeds obsession.
Take advantage of the space apart to build a better “you”.
(2) Don’t Overrate Affairs
While your spouse may be distracted by an emotional or physical affair with another person, don’t highlight it.
The affair will never be worth what you are already shared with your spouse
But it is important that you showcase being unbothered by anything or anyone outside of the relationship you have with him or her.
The worst thing you can do is to spend your space apart bickering about affairs; it will only expand and you will push your spouse further away.
(3) It Takes One But…
Insisting that you stay together is not going to help save your marriage as much as attracting your spouse back.
It only takes one person to create attraction but that requires a process and insisting will interrupt that process of attraction.
Instead, let go as it only takes “you” to build attraction which is the single most important thing that is missing right now.
(4) Don’t Use Children
The marriage separation period will come with a lot of temptations and one of them is trying to inflict emotional on your spouse.
Another one is abusing your children as a tool to accomplish that goal.
It always backfires.
The most common one, believe it or not, is not as obvious as you may think.
It happens more in the form of manipulation under the pretense of protecting the child or children.
What you want to do is stay focused on what you want and don’t want and leave the children out of it even if that’s painful for you emotionally.
Your emotional feelings are temporary.
The only exception to this is physical abuse of the children; in that case, it would be non-negotiable to get the children removed from harm's way.
(5) After 3 Months, You are Free
It’s not advisable to engage in transgression with other people during separation but we are all humans.
Technically, you are free to move on after 3 months of lack of sexual relationship when it is not medically related in my personal opinion.
But also in my personal opinion, the most profitable and worthwhile thing to work on in this period is self growth.
If you don’t, transgression and the lifestyle that comes with it can destroy everything you care about.
It can be even worse when it’s done in retaliation.
If you decide to move on, seek legal counsel to avoid exposing you and/or your children to unfavourable legal loopholes.
(6) More Actions/Less Talking
That should be pretty clear but be careful not to confuse certain inaction with emotional centeredness.
For example, don’t abandon your children and/or your normal responsibilities in the name of less talking.
That would be irresponsible and such behavior will continue to lower your spouses attraction towards you.
Just keep in mind that changed behavior is the best apology.
So for the most part, verbal apology will work against you because of the expectation for instant results.
Stay away from arguments, approval seeking behaviors and focus on building your self during this period.
(7) You Allow Disrespect
If there are any type of disrespect and/or disregard from your spouse during your separation, ask yourself first,
“How did I put myself in that position?”
“How did I allow that”?
You need to take the time to extract the answer to that question as it will help with clarity as you move into the new phase of your marriage.
The bottomline and the result of this exercise should be that no one should be taking anyone for granted again.
When you take yourself for granted, your spouse will see it as a permission to take you for granted if they are weak like most people.
(8) Never Bribe for Sex
Don’t manipulate with whatever you do for your spouse, children and family at this time as a bribe for sex.
It will work against your desire.
Do it if you find it honorable to do and you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it.
The worst thing you can do is do it and then blame them for not reciprocating.
(9) Work on Yourself
That should be self explanatory.
Use the marriage separation period to build yourself and attract the love and affection that you deserve.
It’s simple but I agree…
It’s easier said than done.
Below is a question for us to address with this lesson...
“ I really enjoy your content on IG: @LOLAandOLA and I need to ask you a question.
In April 2017, my wife said she wanted space for 2 weeks because we were not in a good place and she was distracted by an affair at the time.
Initially, I objected and wanted us to get a fresh new start.
She did not return and recently found out she is in a full blown now having sexually intimate moments with her partner on the same bed as my 6 years old daughter who told me she’s uncomfortable.
As a christian, am I totally free without guilt to remarry even though we are not officially divorced.
I’m not going to crawl and beg her.
I did all I could to fight and save the marriage. But it’s clearly not working out.
She finds joy in disrespecting me and talking to me anyhow, rudely and distastefully.
Mind you, I am financially okay and earn 8-figures per annum.
I still give her monthly up-keep, 120K per month, for my daughters, excluding fees, clothing… until 2019 January when I stopped for many reasons.”
Enjoy the video.
Lola & Ola Abitogun of LolaAndOLA.com started dating in March of 2004. They fell in love and got married in August 2007. They are blessed with kids. After 10 years of ups and downs with a marriage that was basically non-existent for 2 full years, they’ve found real love at last, got their marriage back. They have also decided to use this medium to share how they did it so that anyone can use it to save and fix their broken marriage.